Want to talk about relationships so we are able to have healthy relationships with the people in our lives, and so we can see healing in relationships that may have been damaged in the past.  

Explain how I like to talk about the Spirit of prophecy & why.  

I like to preach about the Spirit of prophecy a lot.  I like to talk about the Wisdom that is contained in Christ & Him crucified a lot.  I think sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking we need to hear messages that speak directly to the things we encounter every day in order to have Wisdom about how to navigate this world.  

But, you don't need to hear messages that speak directly to the things you encounter in your day to day lives in order to have wisdom and understanding about those things.  

You know I haven't been taught anything about relationships.  None of the things I will preach on today have I heard someone else teach.  I didn't read them in a book.  Or take some seminar that taught me about relationships.  Nor did God show up and hold class to teach me specifically about relationships.  

But, what has happened is through the hearing of Christ and Him crucified and the Wisdom that is contained there.  I find that Wisdom is dwelling in me, and giving me understanding about all things.  I find that Wisdom is dwelling in me giving me discernment about everything I encounter.

When we hear the Spirit of Prophecy that is contained in Christ it acts as a master artist painting in our hearts the Wisdom of God.  And then this Wisdom; this Truth becomes our sight.  It becomes our discernment.  It interprets the things we see and encounter.  It begins to give us understanding about all things.  You begin to find that you have understanding about things without having been taught specifically about those things.

As we hear the Spirit of prophecy the Holy Spirit is renewing our minds to the mind of Christ.  As our minds are renewed, the mind of Christ begins to think in us, and give us understanding about all things.  

So we don't need to hear specifically about a lot of different things in order to have understanding and wisdom about those things.  We just need a relationship with the One who is Wisdom & is Understanding.

I am not saying it is bad to preach practical messages.  Or that we can't be blessed by hearing  messages that speak directly to issues we encounter in life.  But, I don't want people to despise the benefit that comes from just hearing the Spirit of Prophecy contained in Christ and Him crucified. 

One of my favorite practical things to talk about is relationships because it is one of the most important things in our lives.

Our relationships play a big role in us enjoying our lives.  We are relational beings that were created for fellowship.  But, relationships are also one of the areas we can experience the most pain in and be in the most bondage.    

We all want to have healthy relationships.  Whether it be our most intimate relationships.  Or whether it be our relationships with colleagues and people that we have limited interaction with. 

And the only way we can have healthy relationships is if we can know people for who they really are.  The only way we can have healthy relationships with the people in our lives is if our relationships with them are based on the truth about who they are and what is in their hearts.  

I have done a lot of counseling for married couples and I find that most of the pain and the hurt that exists in their relationships is because the image they have of each other in their hearts has become marred.  They no longer see each other the way they did when they were first married but they see each other through a false image.  And a lot of the pain they experience in their relationship is because they are relating to one another through that false image. 

As we go through life the people we have relationships with are going to do and say things that can be hurtful to us and cause us pain.  It's not our judgment that we feel hurt that causes us a problem.  It's that we judge the motive in the heart of those we are hurt by that causes the problem.  

We tend to judge the thoughts and intents of a persons heart based on what we feel as a result of what they have said and done.  If something a person says or does causes us to feel hurt we conclude that their thoughts of us are not good, and because their thoughts of us are not good this is how they have reacted to us.  

If we feel hurt as a result of what someone has said or done to us.  We conclude that they must be dissatisfied with us, or find us to be lacking in some area.  We conclude that they don't see value in us; that they don't care about us; that they don't love us; that they are for us.  We conclude they must have a negative view of us.  And because of this the intent of their heart is to be against us.  

We look at it as if their behavior towards us has something to do with us, and what they see in us.  So if we see they have said and done hurtful things towards us we judge the thoughts and intents of their hearts as being negative towards us.  We judge the thoughts and intents of their heart as if they find no value in us.  We judge the thoughts and intents of their hearts as if they don't esteem us or think there is anything of beauty to behold in us.  

Part about judgments when we judge that this is the intent of the heart we are imputing their sins to them.....?

When we judge the thoughts and intents of a persons heart according to their negative behavior towards us the image we have of them in our hearts becomes marred.  The image we have of them in our hearts is no longer according to the truth.  It is no longer according to the view and opinion of God.  

What happens is our judgments act as an artist painting a picture of the person; painting an image of who that person is in our hearts.  We create them in an image of our own making with our judgments.  We paint a picture of who they are that is not according to the truth.  And then their image becomes marred in our hearts.  

We can no longer see them for who they are, or what their heart really is.  But, we can only see them according to the hurt we have felt from them.  And then our relationship with them becomes defined by the image we have of them in our hearts.  We begin to relate to them based on the image we have created them in with our judgments.  

Whatever picture we paint of people in our hearts will then give shape & definition to what we experience in our relationships with those people.  

Example judging thoughts and intents of a person's heart using woman in front of me stopped at a red light:  if judge thoughts and intents of her heart one way will lead to anger and frustration.  If judge another way will lead to compassion and love.  

Let's say I am driving down the road and I come upon a red light.  And let's say there is another car in front of me at the red light.  When the light turns green the car in front of me does not go.  And because they don't go I am now stuck at the red light all over again.  Maybe I have somewhere to be and so I feel pain at being stuck at the red light again.  Because I feel pain at being stuck at the red light I begin to say to myself they are a bad driver.  If they would just pay attention I could have gone.  They are not considerate of anyone but themselves.  They must be on their phone.  All these judgments I am making are about the thoughts and intents of the heart in the driver in front of me.  And all these judgments are causing me to see that person in a certain way.  And the way I am seeing them is causing me to be angry and bitter with them.

But, let's say I can see the person in front of me has just lost their husband of 30 years and they are returning from the hospital.  And the reason they did not notice the light turning red is because they were stricken with grief in their hearts and their thoughts were on their loss, and they were daydreaming because they felt great despair.  If this is what is in my heart about them I won't care about the pain I experienced at being stuck at the red light, but my heart will be filled with love and compassion for the person.  

You see the action of the person was the same in both instances.  But, with the first set of judgments my relationship with the woman was filled with bitterness and anger.  But, with the second set of judgments my relationship with the woman was filled with love and compassion.  

Example with Beckie:  

When Beckie and I first got together we had some head butting and misunderstandings that happened between us.  I don't know if any of you saw the movie war of the roses with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner, But, we had some real war of the roses moments in our relationship.  I'm just kidding.  I'm exaggerating.  It wasn't anywhere near like that.  But, we were at odds with one another at times.

Through the course of this I found myself judging what Beckie's heart was behind her actions.  I found myself making unrighteous judgments about Beckie.  I concluded that she was against me; that she was out to get me; that she had no respect for me or the things I did for her.  But, that's not what was happening at all.

What happened as I made these judgments about Beckie and the thoughts and intents of her heart is that the image I had of her in my heart became marred by my judgments.  To the degree that the image of Beckie that was in my heart was disfigured, and no longer according to the truth.  I began to see Beckie through the marred image I had of her in my heart.  I began relating to Beckie through the marred image I had of her in my heart.  I began relating to her as if she was this woman that was against me; as if she was this woman that was always out to get me.

It's like if I started out with the real image of Beckie in my heart.  What happened is that with each judgment I made about what was in her heart.  Her image in my heart became disfigured.  To the point that the Beckie I was originally married to was no longer recognizable.  I could no longer see her for the blessing that she was in my life.  I could no longer see her for the kind, loving wife that she was.

We have problems in our relationships because we judge the thoughts & intents of the hearts of people behind their actions.  We have problems in our relationships because we judge the thoughts and intents of people's hearts by the hurt and the pain we have felt from them.

When we judge the thoughts and intents of a persons heart by their negative actions toward us we are imputing their transgressions to them and we are creating an image of them in our hearts that is after our own making instead of God's view and opinion of them. 

We function as if we know what is in the heart of a person when they say and do things to us.  We function as if they are a perfectly free person with no bondages in their own hearts & from their absolute position of freedom they have now done these things to us.  

It's like we think they are happy about having caused us pain.  Or as if they say to themselves mission accomplished.  As if they get some satisfaction out of doing harmful and hurtful things to us.  We think that they somehow get enjoyment out of causing us hurt and pain.  As if they are thinking in their heart the good and the right thing to do is to be against us, and cause us pain.    

The people who have said and done hurtful towards us do not rejoice in the hurt they have caused us.  They do not feel happy in their hearts because of what they have done.  

They feel like Paul did in Romans 7 when he said "Oh wretched man that I am.  The good that I wanted to do I did not do, and the bad I did not want to do is the very thing I have done". 

The people who have said and done things that have hurt you and caused you pain did not want to hurt you.  They actually only ever wanted to be good to you; to give you a good life; to love you with all their heart; with all their soul; and with all their strength.  But, they didn't find the ability to do what they felt in their heart.  Their consciences condemn them because of the hurt they have caused you.  They feel ashamed of themselves in their hearts for the pain they have caused you.  

****Example of serial killer:  we can even take the most extreme cases and see this.  The wisdom in the world says serial killers don't have a conscience.  That they are incapable of feeling remorse or sadness at what they have done.****

Explain what causes people to do hurtful things to us

The reason people say and do hurtful things towards us is because they have come under the power of a belief that is not according to the truth. They have come under the power of a belief that did not come from God.  And it has taken them captive and caused them to do things that are contrary to what is actually in their heart to do.  

Use example of what Paul said in Romans 6.  

You know Paul said in Romans 6 that to whosoever you submit yourselves to obey his servants you will be.  Whether of sin unto death.  Or of faith unto righteousness.  

Paul is saying that to whatever belief you submit yourself too you will become a captive to that belief.  Your mouth and your actions will be enslaved to that belief.  And that belief will take your life captive and bring forth it's fruit in you.  

The people who said and did harmful things to you were taken captive by an involuntary reaction.  

It's like with an animal in bondage to impulses and instincts.  We don't count it against a dog for sniffing the butts of other dogs because we say they can't help themselves but to do it.  They are enslaved to the impulses and instincts of dog.  We know they are under an impulse that has taken them captive and makes them sniff the other dogs butts.

In the OT there was something called presumptuous sins and sins of ignorance.  

Sins of ignorance can speak of a person committing a sin without knowing it was a sin.  But, it primarily speaks of a sin that was committed against the will of a person.  It speaks of a sin that was committed by a person whose desire and intent was not to commit that sin.  It speaks of a person committing a sin un willfully.  It speaks of a person being overtaken by the lust of the flesh.  It speaks of a person who commits a sin whose intent was not to commit a sin but they found themselves overtaken by the lust of the flesh.  You know it's called the lust of the flesh not the lust of a person for a reason.  

Example of movie:  it's like in the movie idle hand where the guys hand becomes possessed and he can't control his hand, and it does all these horrible things apart from his will.  He is actually at odds with his hand.  He tries to stop his hand from doing what it does.  The things his hand does is against his will.

Example of sins of ignorance: 

In Romans 7 Pauls describes the sins of ignorance.  It's like Paul in Romans 7

He said when I was under the belief that I could be justified through my ability to perform the Ten Commandments I found myself doing the very things I did not want to do.  And then he said it was not him that was committing these sins because in his heart he did not want to commit these sins.  But, he found something dwelling in his members taking his members captive and causing him to do things he never desired to do.  He describes himself as coming under the power of something that took him captive and made him do things he did not want to do.  He says he found his body doing things that were against his will and against his desire.  And then he calls himself a wretched man because of this.  

Paul was describing what the sins of ignorance are.  He was describing the lust of the flesh.  He was describing how the desire in his heart was to do good but he found himself overcome by the lust of the flesh.  Almost like he was an animal at the mercy of their impulses and instincts.  He found himself overcome by an involuntary reaction that was against his will.  

You can see this dynamic with Nebuchadnezzar in Daniel 4.  He trusted in his own ability.  He came under the belief that he could be exalted and have life through the strength of the flesh, and he became a beast against his will.  And when he became a beast he was taken captive to animalistic instincts and impulses.  He no longer had control of his faculties.  He came under the power of animal impulses and instincts and ate grass.  He lived outside with the animals instead of living like a man.  He didn't desire to live like an animal but he was taken captive.  

This is a picture of what it is like when a person comes under the power of a wrong belief.  It will take a person captive and cause them to do things they don't desire to do and that is contrary to their hearts, and conscience.

Health and Healing in our relationships can come when we see what the righteous judgment about the thoughts & intents of people's hearts is. 

When you can see that the actual desire in a person's heart is to be loving & good to you it paints a much different picture of that person in your heart & it leads to a relationship full of love & compassion instead of a relationship full of anger & bitterness.  It leads to a relationship that is full of grace instead of a relationship that is full of us imputing one another's transgressions to each other.  

Use example of Beckie and I and how God brought health and healing to our relationship by showing me what was really going on in her heart.  And by showing me I had made a lot of unrighteous judgments about what happened that was based on the pain in my own heart.  

When God revealed what was really in Beckie's heart when we were fighting it restored her image back to what it was when we originally got together.  It restored her image back to the truth about who she was and what was in her heart.  And this healed my relationship with her.  It brought restoration to the damage that had occurred in our relationship.

And this doesn't mean that I don't ever need to be reminded.  God reminds me all the time.  

Father I thank you that you are restoring the images of the people we have relationships with.  I thank you for filling our hearts with your image of the people in our lives.  I thank you Father that you are shaping our thoughts about the our relationships and the people in our lives with your thoughts. 

**********************************************************************